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In my eight years of parenting I have learned a lot of do’s and don’ts…and along with those things I’ve got a lot of jokes to pass forward to you for parenting. Please do not take this running list seriously. It’s purely for sh!ts and giggles and was at the request of one of my beautifully warped best friends and co-faciliated by Dad! Enjoy the madness!

  • Piggy Banks: Kids do not put the money you give them into it so you should collect condoms in them. Why? You didn’t use those either did you? Same concept!
  • Unplug your refrigerator. Children hide food under their beds and in their drawers. This is cost effective and great for energy efficiency!
  • Let your children pick their own clothes for school. They may not match but, hey, you don’t have to sit in the parent pick up line. Pick them up a few blocks away from the school so no one knows that they belong to you. That’s smart!
  • Skinny jeans are for everybody. Short on cash for clothes this school year? Let your son wear your daughter’s jeans. It’s in style!
  • Why get bandaids when there is a roll of tissue in the house? This is a true parenthood story. My daughter mummified herself in tissue instead of asking for a bandaid for a flesh wound. *eye roll*
  • How to make your children stop talking? Put them outside in the backyard. Lock the door. Turn up volume on TV. IGNORE. Note: Ensure their hydration needs are met. There should be a water hose available. Lesson learned.
  • Audiobooks suffice for bedtime stories. Nobody got time for reading during night soaps!
  • Accidental walkins on mom and dad are character-building for your children. Will the image be burned into their minds for all time? Maybe. But that is not your problem.

Got some Bad Mom advice to add to the list? Leave it in comments and, people, please, I beg of you…don’t do this at home! Love your babies!

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